It is evident that America’s two hundred and something years of traditions are coming to an end; democracy, freedom of speech, middle-class, unity, and the principles engraved on the statue of liberty are just the tip of the iceberg. With the increasing uproar of likes of our modern day gladiators, such as Michael Bennett and Marshawn Lynch, it is time to reassess the relevance of the anthem and the way it represents the people of this country.
Outdated, offensive and noninclusive are words that repeat.
So, we thought about it and came up with our selection of ‘This could be our new Anthem’ or ‘the most badass playlist of August 2017:’
1. Kendrick Lamar “Humble” – The acclaimed rapper is considered to be the best of this generation, bringing back Tupac style of a poet-like-lyrics with dope beats and samples, masterfully mixed into contemporary classics. In the age of internet and empty celebrity statuses, what’s a better message than to be humble?
2. Bruno Mars “Uptown Funk” – Bruno is universally adored! His music crosses race, gender, and political difference. If you don’t funk to his groove, you are not alive really. We wanted to put ‘I’ll catch a grenade for you, but that sounds aggressive and unnecessary.
3. Celine Dion “My Heart Will Go On” – The vocalist phenome could easily have a dozen songs on this list, but unfortunately, she’s Canadian, and though white, many of Trump supporters will object. We will try and squeeze this mega hit in, just in case.
4. Aerosmith “Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” – What’s more American that Aerosmith? NOTHING. Rock and Roll, drugs, sex, leather everything, repressed gay preference, makeup, saving the world from a meteor, and lots of Botox. Oh, and mega hits that touch a chord with every American age 4-69. We walk around like we deserve everything, so this song hit home hard.
5. Journey “Don’t Stop Believing” – We had to end the list on some positive note, and arguably one of the top 10 most loved songs ever. This song is the only cure to a divided America with a hopeful message and the unparallel ability to kick off a party whether you’re a Burning Man creature or a NASCAR fanatic
Alas, we had to cut a few incredible numbers reluctantly; so our ‘didn’t make a list’ list consists of:
1. Lynard Skynard “Free Bird – because, well, anything Southern needs to chill the fuck out for a while
2. The Village People “YMCA” because white heterosexual men already feel threatened
In conclusion; It’s ok to protest; we need to create a new American story, one that is current with our times, and represent us all. Or, we should break the union, go about on our business, and apologize to Kaepernick